Coaching from The Inside Out and Facing Our Own Shadow with Courage

Coaching from The Inside Out and Facing Our Own Shadow with Courage 3 Month Ago · 5 min read

Talyaa Vardar

Talyaa Vardar, MA, FCPC, MCC
Executive Coach, Psychologist & Art Therapist

Life coaches can change the world. All coaching is life coaching, and becoming a certified life coach is a big decision and responsibility. Since it doesn’t only gain you a profession, but it changes you from the inside out if you embrace its concepts and incorporate them into your own life. Connecting with other humans on a deep level requires courage from within since you may face your vulnerabilities and your shadow by only witnessing theirs.


Sometimes, just listening to other people’s fears and limitations triggers our former issues or challenging habits that were dysfunctional. If you do not practice your neutral coach presence, then, the pressure of being an effective coach will take over and you find yourself swamped in the worries of your ego versus your authentic self. 


This challenge is not limited to life coaches. It is a problem of any help profession. For example, counselors and psychotherapists confront this day by day, therefore they develop coping skills to detach themselves and disassociate from their clients’ trauma or disease. When working with other vulnerable souls, a coach also needs to develop a detached position, otherwise, you might find yourself in burnout, then you won’t be able to serve as your best coach-self.   


A detached coach position is the best strategy to serve and make an impact. It is not a cold or reserved presence, but an authentically curious one: 

- You are curious about the best potential of your client, 

- You are curious about possibilities for your client,

- You are curious about the creative potential of your client.


When you develop such a presence, then, you will be able to work with your own shadow by using the same strategies you use for your clients. For example, if a former pattern that blocked you in your previous life gets triggered in a coaching session, do not get tramped- tell yourself that you will work with it after the session. Then, go back to your detached, curious and authentic coach presence. After the session, coach yourself and what was triggered as if you are coaching another person:

- What is the message for me?

- Why is this coming up right now?

- What do I need to understand and learn so that I grow and become a better coach?

- How can I get creative with this?


Do the work. Don’t be afraid of your shadow. As long as you stay solution-focused, you will be able to transform what doesn’t serve you into possibilities.